The most fashionable as well as pleasant way in the present day to entertain guests is to invite them to evening parties, which vary in size from the "company," "sociable," "soiree," to the party, par excellence, which is but one step from the ball.
The entertainment upon such occasions may vary with the taste of the hostess or the caprice of her guests. Some prefer dancing, some music, some conversations. Small parties, called together for dramatical or poetical readings, are now fashionable, and very delightful.
--- The Ladies' Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness
I first came across Florence Hartley's The Ladies' Book of Etiquette and Manual of Politeness (G. G. Evans: Philadelphia, 1860) via the July, 1861, issue of Godey's Lady's Book, which excerpted the section on the etiquette for a lady hosting an evening party. There is a matching section for the (female) guests at an evening party as well as sections for ladies hosting or attending balls. I have spent a great deal of time over the years reading about mid-nineteenth century ballroom etiquette, but considerably less on that for more informal events. I thus found Mrs. Hartley's thoughts on the subject quite interesting. It would be fun to host smaller events such as these, if one had both the sizable rooms and the servants that Mrs. Hartley assumes will be available or hired for the night.
Since the book is available online (see below), I am not going to review all of Mrs. Hartley's general advice on the conduct of evening parties. She discusses everything from the wording of invitations to the arrangement of dressing rooms to why one should take one's leave in the parlor rather than the hall. Here, I'd like to look more narrowly at the useful tidbits of information she provides about dancing at such small and informal (by mid-nineteenth-century standards) events. Most quotations below are drawn from "Etiquette for the Hostess" section, with those from "Etiquette for the Guest" marked as such.
Preparation of the home
In the morning see that the fires in your rooms are in good order, and in the drawing-room it is best to have it so arranged that the heat can be lessened towards evening, as the crowd and dancing will make it excessively uncomfortable if the rooms are too warm. See that the lights are in good order, and, if you propose to have music instead of dancing, or to use your piano for dancing music, have it put in good tune in the morning. If you intend to dance, and do not wish to take up the carpets, you will find it economical, as well as much pleasanter, to cover them with coarse white muslin or linen; be sure it is fastened down smoothly, firmly, and drawn tightly over the carpets.
Do not remove all the chairs from the parlor; or, if this is necessary, leave some in the hall for those who wish to rest after dancing.
This is nothing more than practical information, much of it familiar to anyone who has ever set up a ballroom or had to convince a venue that we really do prefer the room not heated like a sauna. Notice the blithe assumption that the home has a piano; learning to play would have been part of the standard training for a young lady of this era.
The advice about stretching muslin or linen over a carpet is something I have come across repeatedly in nineteenth-century books but have never tried myself or seen done. I'm not sure how it worked in practice -- was the stretched fabric nailed or stapled to the floor?
Music
Mrs. Hartley makes more interesting assumptions here, starting with the idea that is perfectly practical to have an evening of dancing without hiring a band or even a pianist, though of course one or the other is desirable:
If you have dancing, and have not engaged a band, it is best to hire a pianist for the evening, to play dancing music. You will find it exceedingly wearisome to play yourself all the evening, and it is ill-bred to ask any guest to play for others to dance.
Taking for granted that the hostess, not to mention her guests, would be able to provide an entire evening's dance music (that could be six or seven hours of music) speaks volumes about the level of skill expected in a lady and the collection of sheet music that would routinely be available in the home.
Since the other female guests would have similar training, Mrs. Hartley draws firm lines about how much a hostess may impose on them:
This victimizing of some obliging guest is only too common, but no true lady will ever be guilty of such rudeness. If there are several members of the family able and willing to play, let them divide this duty amongst them, or, if you wish to play yourself, do so. If any guest, in this case, offers to relieve you, accept their kindness for one dance only. Young people, who enjoy dancing, but who also play well, will often stay on the piano-stool all the evening, because their own good-nature will not allow them to complain, and their hostess wilfully or through negligence permits the tax.
There is complementary advice in the section on guest etiquette:
If your hostess or any of the family play for the guests to dance, it is both polite and kind to offer to relieve them; and if truly polite themselves, they will not take advantage of the offer, to over tax your good nature.
Dancing
See that your guests are well provided with partners, introducing every gentleman and lady who dances to one who will dance well with them. Be careful that none sit still through your negligence in providing partners.
This is standard etiquette advice for hostesses of balls as well. And since the party might not be taking place in a ballroom, guests must display particularly good manners as well:
If the rooms are not large enough for all the guests to dance at one time, do not dance every set, even if invited. It is ill-bred and selfish.
Mrs. Hartley does not mention the use of ball programs or cards for evening parties.
Hostesses also must remember that their role at a dance party, as at a ball, does not, for the most part, involve dancing:
Do not dance yourself when by so doing you are preventing a guest from enjoying that pleasure. If a lady is wanted to make up a set, then dance, or if, late in the evening, you have but few lady dancers left, but do not interfere with the pleasure in others. If invited, say that you do not wish to take the place of a guest upon the floor, and introduce the gentleman who invites you to some lady friend who dances.
Refreshments
It is very pleasant in a dancing party to have ices alone handed round at about ten o'clock, having supper set two or three hours later. They are very refreshing, when it would be too early to have the more substantial supper announced.
It is very customary now, even in large parties, to have no refreshments but ice cream, lemonade, and cake, or, in summer, fruit, cake, and ices. It is less troublesome, as well as less expensive than a hot supper, and the custom will be a good one to adopt permanently.
Once more, there are some fascinating underlying assumptions about the endurance of the guests and the hours kept. The sample invitations Mrs. Hartley provides generally give a starting time of eight o'clock. Ices (ice cream or sorbet) could be handed around at ten, followed by two or three more hours of dancing prior to supper. The latter would not necessarily be a sit-down meal, even if it is a hot supper, but more of a cocktail party format with guests standing around with food. That would be around midnight or one, and might well be followed by still more dancing. The sample invitations given are for Wednesday and Thursday nights, not weekends. A lady of this era who is in a position to hold parties like this would presumably not hold any sort of job, nor would her female guests, but one wonders at what hour the gentlemen would need to arise for work the next day and how functional they would be!
I'd need to do some more research to speak to this definitively, but Mrs. Hartley seems to be to have been unusually vehement about not serving alcohol, though whether for dancing parties in particular or evening parties in general is not clear:
One word of warning to all hostesses. You can never know, when you place wine or brandy before your guests, whom you may be tempting to utter ruin. Better, far better, to have a reputation as strict or mean than by your example or the temptation you offer to have the sin upon your soul of having put poison before those who partook of your hospitality. It is not necessary; hospitality and generosity do not require it, and you will have the approval of all who truly love you for your good qualities, if you resolutely refuse to have either wine or any other intoxicating liquor upon your supper-table.
The "temptation to sin" language looks more like something out of an anti-dance treatise or sermon. One wonders how Mrs. Hartley felt about cotillion figures such as "A Glass of Wine".
The Ladies' Book of Etiquette was reprinted a number of times through at least the 1880s. Project Gutenberg has the 1860 original, and two later editions are available via Google Books: 1872 and 1876. The contents of the later editions appear to be identical to those of the the first. I recommend that both hostesses and guests, as well as anyone interested in mid-nineteenth-century American etiquette, read the entire thing.
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